Learning good parenting from Strawberry Shortcake

The last couple of days I have been short with my kids, getting frustrated at them and yelling at them. Saying hurtful things in a hurtful voice. Just not being the understanding and patient mother I have worked so hard to become. Going overboard when they spill something or do something I tell them to not to do. In general I have been a real monster. It is embarrassing to admit and the guilt at knowing I have been so horrible to them is worse than anything.

I have worked hard to become a good mother, a strong woman to lead my children out of babyhood and into childhood. I have worked hard at being patient, loving, and involved. So to backslide into the crappy mother I was is very disheartening.

Every other Thursday my kids get to sleep in as late as they like, get whatever they want for breakfast, and watch hours of cartoons. It is a special treat since they then go to their fathers house Thursday night and stay there to Sunday night. It makes me feel good and them happy.

Today after the last few days of Monster Mommy I felt sick with guilt. After a good cry and thorough apologies to both of my kids which they were quick with -its okay mommy, I love you- from both of them (isn't three such a great, forgiving age) we settled on the couch for snuggles, and cartoons along with yummy snacks. As they watch TV I usually read or play on my computer. But today since I just wanted to snuggle close to them I didn't have anything to distract me. We started watching Strawberry Shortcake. In this episode Strawberry and her friends were making a cake. Strawberry's little sister Apple Dumpling wanted to help. She was just a little one like a toddler. So Strawberry gave her an easy job but in minutes she had created a huge mess spilling ingredients everywhere. I thought to myself, what a mess, I can not believe they let her help. That is why you should not let little ones help. I would be so angry and I would tell her to get the heck out of the kitchen (something I had unfortunately said to my own daughter, my beloved little girl only this morning for spilling, just an accident, an incident of being only 3 and wanting to help Mommy). But did Strawberry get angry? No, she was patient and kind to the little one. I then thought to myself wow you are being such a jerk. Look how sweet Strawberry is. I need to take a lesson from Strawberry,

Often times people who see me in the grocery store or out and about other places dealing with two rambunctious toddlers tell me -you might not know but this is the best time of your life-. The thing is, I do know it. I do get frustrated, and I do say some mean things to my children and there is no excuse for it. Luckily for them the meanness has been reduced to almost none and hopefully it will be none soon. But I know how wonderful this time is. I know this is the time that my kids will love me unconditionally, want to be be with me 24/7, and will hug and kiss me no matter what no matter where. I know that this is the only time that I can always get them to listen to me (one way or another). I know it will never get better. Knowing makes it scarier I think. I know if I screw up too badly during this time I will live the rest of my life regretting it. So I am taking a lesson from Strawberry Shortcake. I can not wait for the next time Emily wants to help me so she can spill something and I can say -it's cool Em, spills happen-

Fish Ladder Park

I had such an adventurous and exciting day planned for Emily and Julian. We were going to go to Fish Ladder Park and check out the fish, then start walking the path towards other sights. It was a nice if not hot day out. Of course nothing ever turns out as planned. One regrettable incident can ruin a whole day.

Already lost his shoe

When we got there I picked Julian up first to look into the water. I kind of swung him up and his shoe went flying. Right into the water. His absolute favorite shoe that he like wearing more than any other. Flying into the water never to be seen again. His Diego Shoes that his father has already been searching for, for weeks in a larger size because Julian loves them so much.

I could not feel worse if I smacked him or yelled at him for something he did not do. The whole day felt ruined  to me. I searched in vain for the shoe. As if I might see it in this rapids like water and be able to somehow fish it out. With the recent rains the fish ladder park was a heavy flowing rapids leading to the second disappointment  I had no fish to show off to the kids and see their excited amazement.

I would not let this trip be a bust. With only one shoe obviously we could not do much walking. They were real troopers though. Despite Julian reminding me every ten seconds- you pick me up and my shoe fall in the water, Diego in the water- he was okay about it. We stayed by the water and hung out a little, then we headed out. I got them a slushie at Miejer and now I have to scour the internet for little brown Diego shoes so my son doesn't have to feel bad that his mom threw his favorite shoe in the river.

Co parenting

Co parenting is so hard. Raising children in two households with different rules and ideals in each home can be hard. Although it is difficult, it gets easier as time goes by.

For most of the first three years of Emily and Julian's life they did not know anything about their father John. I disliked him more than anybody I had ever disliked and the feeling was mutual. He made little effort to see the kids. He wanted to see them on his terms or not at all so not at all it was. I wasn't a big fan of his and so I was content with not at all although I was pretty vocal with complaining about him never seeing the kids. I lived in Massachusetts and he lived in Michigan.

When the kids were three I moved to Michigan for a few reasons but the biggest was my aunt and uncle lived there and they had always been pretty supportive of me and the kids. I was not doing well and I needed some stability and so did the kids. Also John was in Michigan and so maybe he could be a part of the kids life.

When we fist got to Michigan their was still tension between John and I. He still wanted the kids on his terms and I still did not want to meet his terms. I was very protective of Emily and Julian. John wanted to jump right into full weekends. I wanted him to visit them in a familiar environment at first for several months. Since neither of us could come up with an agreement John stopped seeing the kids. Finally we went to court. The courts decided that the kids would see him in a familiar environment for a couple weeks and then every other weekend. I was sad that I would finally have to share the kids but the pressure was off of me for having to deal with visitation. It was out of my hands and I was relieved.

The tension between John and I was still very high. He did not want to hear anything I had to say about the kids and what they liked or didn't like what scared them what worked, anything. I did not want the kids to like him. I never bad mouthed him to Emily and Julian and I never tried to make them dislike him but I am sure that the tension between us was obvious. The kids would cry and scream for me when they came, they sure did not want to go. They were happy when they got home but still very happy to see me. I felt so loved, but I felt so sad every other weekend when they left, seeing them cry and and scared as they drove away. I started to tell them how much their Daddy loved them and how much he missed them. We would Skype once in a while. John and I started talking a little when we exchanged the kids. Nothing much just how they were during the weekend, stuff they did or were going to do.

Now I look forward to the off weekends. I enjoy a little freedom, I enjoy chatting with John when we meet up. We call each other for whatever and talk and joke an laugh. John has been asking me to get Emily her first haircut because her hair has become a bit unmanageable  (I asked him not to do it, I wanted a special thing with Emily) and while I was writing this he called me just to ask if I had done it yet. I told him I had not and he told me that for some reason her hair seems so much more manageable next weekend. I told him I had been brushing it more times each day and maybe that is why. That was pretty much the extent of the conversation other than the kids are doing good. A couple weeks ago I had a really bad nightmare about a fictional dream child of mine dying. It was awful and it made me so sad. That morning I called John and told him I had a terrible dream and could I say hi to the kids. He offered to have them Skype with me. I got to see them talk to them and it really made me feel better afterwards.

Do I like John now? Yes I do, I think I am blessed to have him for the father of my children. We have had to get through a lot of obstacles but we made it. My kids will have all the love of a mother and a father. I never understood why parents would try to turn their children against the other parent. I never tried to my self although I may have done so unintentionally. Soon after my kids were seeing their father full weekends every other week I saw the pain it brought them, the fear and sorrow of leaving me to go to him. I started telling them Daddy loves you, Daddy misses you. This past Friday when we met up they ran into his arms yelling DADDY! It made me so happy (a little Jealous, they don't do that when they see me :-) but I am old new)

I do not know what the future brings and I am sure that there will be more disagreements between John and I but I really believe we have come to a good place. I even think I love him again. I do not love him as a lover or potential mate but as the man who helped produce my family, the man who loves my children as much as me, as much as only a parent can. I am going to give my children the best gift available, a good relationship with their father.

I never know how to end what I am writing but I will end it with this. I wish every parent tried to be selfless and let their child love their other parent. If the other parent is no good the child will find out on their own and if the other parent is not than the child will get to grow up with two good parents and what is better than that?

Trip to the library

I love to take my kids to the library. When I was a child the library was one of my favorite places to be. All different kinds of books about all different things. Now adays the library still has that and I want my kids to feel it. There is also a little corner with some comfy chairs and kids puzzles and such. So I can relax with a book while the kids get to play in a different place than home.
At the library downtown there is free parking for up to an hour, then they start charging. Getting into the library is a chore with two three year olds. We park and the kids tumble out of the car. Since they have to inspect everything from the car to the door it take awhile to get inside. Finally we get to the door and when we first get inside, we enter the lobby which has high echoing ceilings, so the kids want to yell and run. Getting through the lobby is a test in patients, one I do not always pass. Finally we get to the stairs and thankfully it is only one floor up. Unfortunately there is a bathroom at the top and my kids have to use every bathroom the see. Finally we get to the last leg. Just have to walk to the back where the puzzles are. That means walking past a glass case with toys inside which has to be inspected, past computers that have to be played with, and yet another set of bathrooms. Finally fifteen to twenty minutes after parking we get to sit and relax. Normally this walk would take me about 3-5 minutes.
Since I plan 15 minutes to get out of parking that means only about 25-30 minutes of library time. Usually enough for some good puzzle time and to pick out some books to take home. Despite the effort it takes I still love taking them. On days that I don't have the energy for all that, there is a smaller library closer by. There is no puzzles but the kids still like grabbing a book and sitting at the kid table for a good read.
I hope bringing them to the library so young will really develop a love for the library. Somewhere they can go for entertainment or just to get away.