Emily's First Haircut

I finally took Emily for her first hair cut. It only took 3 years and nine months. Julian had his first hair cut over a year now. I did not see the point since she had beautiful blond hair. I was talked into cutting Julian's. He had the most beautiful little curls that I had ever seen. They are sorely missed. But Emily has super fine and thin blond hair with her own little curls. Her has was difficult though. It got tangled easily and she would cry when I brushed it. Her father kept complaining and told me how hard it was for her to brush her hair. -So why don't you brush it- I asked him. Well apparently he is teaching her how to brush her own hair... Whatever. So I took her for a super special cut. 

Since it was her first cut, one of the final firsts of early childhood we made it special. We got rid of Julian, sent him off to aunt Mary's house. Then we headed to Snip its. Snip its is a wonderful little kids hair place. They have lots of bright colors, prizes and even cartoons. It is perfect. They have a little first hair cut package for suckers like me who's heart breaks over every little thing and so has to commemorate. I don't care. I have one son and one daughter and it is doubtful there will be more. So everything is special to me. 

So we headed out just Emily and I. When we got there she was all excited. She had been here before for hair cuts for Julian; he had several in the past year. She was so happy it was finally her turn. She headed straight in and luckily there was no line. So she got to get right in her little seat. Even though the seats are tiny it still almost swallowed her whole.

When I took Julian for his first cut the woman really was so jubilant, and excited, she switched on some cartoons for him, joked with him, gave me like 4 bags of hair. It was really just exciting. Maybe because of that experience this experience was a bit of a let down. The woman just focused on cutting Emily's hair, Emily had to ask for cartoons- (something I had told her about before hand to build the excitement) -after waiting patiently a few minutes for the woman to turn them on, the woman only gave me a tiny snip of Emily's hair (grrr I keep wishing I had just asked for more) and all in all it was not as pleasant as I would have hoped for paying $30 (including the $6 tip). 

After the cut Emily got a little certificate along with a picture printed out with her new cut. Finally she was supposed to put a lock of hair and a little plastic card they give all the kids into a slot and get a prize but the woman forgot the lock of hair part and left it up to me to explain to Emily about the prize. Luckily I had been there before and knew what to do. Emily got a little rub on tattoo that needs water and the woman did a nice thing and went and got some water so Emily could put the tattoo on right away. 


After we left we went to a chocolate store and Emily got to pick out a treat. She got a marshmallow dipped in chocolate. This woman giving Emily a dirty look when she took a free sample. Yes as I was paying Emily took one, only one sample of mint bark sitting on a platter right next to the register. Being a three year old, I was impressed at how she only took one but I am guessing our dollar purchase did not earn her even one little sample. I really wish I was the type to be able to say to people -hey I am a paying customer, treat me with kindness and dignity- but alas I am not. When I am out and I see people in customer service jobs not doing their best for their customers it makes me sad.

I am not sure how this turned into a rant about customer service personal. Having children has definitely weakened me. I am overly sensitive. My daughter will not remember these people, she will be able to see the certificate and the pictures and see how much fun she had. How awesome her Mommy was for taking her there (I hope). So I am happy. I love my children so much and for me there has never been anything like it. 

Learning good parenting from Strawberry Shortcake

The last couple of days I have been short with my kids, getting frustrated at them and yelling at them. Saying hurtful things in a hurtful voice. Just not being the understanding and patient mother I have worked so hard to become. Going overboard when they spill something or do something I tell them to not to do. In general I have been a real monster. It is embarrassing to admit and the guilt at knowing I have been so horrible to them is worse than anything.

I have worked hard to become a good mother, a strong woman to lead my children out of babyhood and into childhood. I have worked hard at being patient, loving, and involved. So to backslide into the crappy mother I was is very disheartening.

Every other Thursday my kids get to sleep in as late as they like, get whatever they want for breakfast, and watch hours of cartoons. It is a special treat since they then go to their fathers house Thursday night and stay there to Sunday night. It makes me feel good and them happy.

Today after the last few days of Monster Mommy I felt sick with guilt. After a good cry and thorough apologies to both of my kids which they were quick with -its okay mommy, I love you- from both of them (isn't three such a great, forgiving age) we settled on the couch for snuggles, and cartoons along with yummy snacks. As they watch TV I usually read or play on my computer. But today since I just wanted to snuggle close to them I didn't have anything to distract me. We started watching Strawberry Shortcake. In this episode Strawberry and her friends were making a cake. Strawberry's little sister Apple Dumpling wanted to help. She was just a little one like a toddler. So Strawberry gave her an easy job but in minutes she had created a huge mess spilling ingredients everywhere. I thought to myself, what a mess, I can not believe they let her help. That is why you should not let little ones help. I would be so angry and I would tell her to get the heck out of the kitchen (something I had unfortunately said to my own daughter, my beloved little girl only this morning for spilling, just an accident, an incident of being only 3 and wanting to help Mommy). But did Strawberry get angry? No, she was patient and kind to the little one. I then thought to myself wow you are being such a jerk. Look how sweet Strawberry is. I need to take a lesson from Strawberry,

Often times people who see me in the grocery store or out and about other places dealing with two rambunctious toddlers tell me -you might not know but this is the best time of your life-. The thing is, I do know it. I do get frustrated, and I do say some mean things to my children and there is no excuse for it. Luckily for them the meanness has been reduced to almost none and hopefully it will be none soon. But I know how wonderful this time is. I know this is the time that my kids will love me unconditionally, want to be be with me 24/7, and will hug and kiss me no matter what no matter where. I know that this is the only time that I can always get them to listen to me (one way or another). I know it will never get better. Knowing makes it scarier I think. I know if I screw up too badly during this time I will live the rest of my life regretting it. So I am taking a lesson from Strawberry Shortcake. I can not wait for the next time Emily wants to help me so she can spill something and I can say -it's cool Em, spills happen-

Construction truck petting zoo

Yesterday I took my kids to a free local event called The Construction Truck Petting Zoo. It was fantastic. It was held in front of the big library downtown with two small streets closed and all different kinds of construction trucks parked and open for explorers. The kids got to climb in and press all the buttons, honk the horns and generally explore these massive and some smaller vehicles. I had been looking forward to this event for a couple weeks. I knew my kids would like it, it was outdoors and best of all it was free! Since I have started writing about our fun together I had planned on taking some pictures and doing a little entry. So I am snapping picture, pictures of us getting there, pictures of the kids in the trucks lots of pictures. I never really look at the pictures I take when I am taking them, I just snap away and there is usually a few good ones. Finally we were getting to the second to last truck, a massive one with a long line. I am not familiar with vehicles so I have no idea what mos

This is the tire to the massive truck-->

over here

t of these were. I am taking pictures when I notice some pop up on my screen. No memory card. I had not put the memory card back from the last time I transferred to my computer. No picture! I had been looking forward to the awesome pictures for weeks.

For the first time I did not let something like this ruin the experience. It was hard and took a few minutes, but as I looked at the kids and saw how much fun they were having it was not so bad. Also I had my phone so I just took pictures with that. They were not quite as good but hey. So the kids got a chance to go and see most of the trucks again so mommy could have pictures. They had no problem going in all the trucks again.

There was also Popsicle, lemonade, and popcorn. Kids were loving beeping the horns of all the trucks and parents trying to keep their kids from driving everyone crazy with the sound of horns beeping. -Okay honey ten beeps is enough lets give someone else a turn-.

 As with most things with Emily and Julian they only wanted to  stay together. When I told Julian to go stand in front of a giant wheel taller than him he wouldn't unless Emily went with, but then Julian does seem more likely to need Emily's company.
 A radio station was there and gave the kids a free chap stick a special treat because Mommy keeps hers away from them. They each got their very own. When we went to one of the trucks the owner was there (the owners all kept close to the trucks for instructions or questions) and when Julian was climbing in -I can do it myself- he turns to the truck owner and hands him his chap stick and says -you hold this, not mommy- the owner laughed and said -I will hold it for you-

With two three year old with tons of energy they were all over the place. Since the roads were closed I was happy to give them some leeway. There were lines for most of the trucks and in one Emily ran over and climbed in one while I was distracted with Julian. I went to grab her out but this woman was standing there blocking the door telling Emily its not her turn. Finally  I got her attention to tell her that Emily was mine and I would be happy to her her down if I could get pass the lady. The lady says -you know, there is a line- duh I think to myself but I just smiled and said -yea, you know three year olds, so impatient. Nothing could annoy me or frustrate me, and that is not common. I am easily frustrated.

All in all it was a great day. My life with my kids just gets better and better. I am just enjoying every day with them. You never know when it will end, whether from sickness, accidents, or time just passing when kids do not want to be Mommy's little babies anymore.

Fish Ladder Park

I had such an adventurous and exciting day planned for Emily and Julian. We were going to go to Fish Ladder Park and check out the fish, then start walking the path towards other sights. It was a nice if not hot day out. Of course nothing ever turns out as planned. One regrettable incident can ruin a whole day.

Already lost his shoe

When we got there I picked Julian up first to look into the water. I kind of swung him up and his shoe went flying. Right into the water. His absolute favorite shoe that he like wearing more than any other. Flying into the water never to be seen again. His Diego Shoes that his father has already been searching for, for weeks in a larger size because Julian loves them so much.

I could not feel worse if I smacked him or yelled at him for something he did not do. The whole day felt ruined  to me. I searched in vain for the shoe. As if I might see it in this rapids like water and be able to somehow fish it out. With the recent rains the fish ladder park was a heavy flowing rapids leading to the second disappointment  I had no fish to show off to the kids and see their excited amazement.

I would not let this trip be a bust. With only one shoe obviously we could not do much walking. They were real troopers though. Despite Julian reminding me every ten seconds- you pick me up and my shoe fall in the water, Diego in the water- he was okay about it. We stayed by the water and hung out a little, then we headed out. I got them a slushie at Miejer and now I have to scour the internet for little brown Diego shoes so my son doesn't have to feel bad that his mom threw his favorite shoe in the river.

Co parenting

Co parenting is so hard. Raising children in two households with different rules and ideals in each home can be hard. Although it is difficult, it gets easier as time goes by.

For most of the first three years of Emily and Julian's life they did not know anything about their father John. I disliked him more than anybody I had ever disliked and the feeling was mutual. He made little effort to see the kids. He wanted to see them on his terms or not at all so not at all it was. I wasn't a big fan of his and so I was content with not at all although I was pretty vocal with complaining about him never seeing the kids. I lived in Massachusetts and he lived in Michigan.

When the kids were three I moved to Michigan for a few reasons but the biggest was my aunt and uncle lived there and they had always been pretty supportive of me and the kids. I was not doing well and I needed some stability and so did the kids. Also John was in Michigan and so maybe he could be a part of the kids life.

When we fist got to Michigan their was still tension between John and I. He still wanted the kids on his terms and I still did not want to meet his terms. I was very protective of Emily and Julian. John wanted to jump right into full weekends. I wanted him to visit them in a familiar environment at first for several months. Since neither of us could come up with an agreement John stopped seeing the kids. Finally we went to court. The courts decided that the kids would see him in a familiar environment for a couple weeks and then every other weekend. I was sad that I would finally have to share the kids but the pressure was off of me for having to deal with visitation. It was out of my hands and I was relieved.

The tension between John and I was still very high. He did not want to hear anything I had to say about the kids and what they liked or didn't like what scared them what worked, anything. I did not want the kids to like him. I never bad mouthed him to Emily and Julian and I never tried to make them dislike him but I am sure that the tension between us was obvious. The kids would cry and scream for me when they came, they sure did not want to go. They were happy when they got home but still very happy to see me. I felt so loved, but I felt so sad every other weekend when they left, seeing them cry and and scared as they drove away. I started to tell them how much their Daddy loved them and how much he missed them. We would Skype once in a while. John and I started talking a little when we exchanged the kids. Nothing much just how they were during the weekend, stuff they did or were going to do.

Now I look forward to the off weekends. I enjoy a little freedom, I enjoy chatting with John when we meet up. We call each other for whatever and talk and joke an laugh. John has been asking me to get Emily her first haircut because her hair has become a bit unmanageable  (I asked him not to do it, I wanted a special thing with Emily) and while I was writing this he called me just to ask if I had done it yet. I told him I had not and he told me that for some reason her hair seems so much more manageable next weekend. I told him I had been brushing it more times each day and maybe that is why. That was pretty much the extent of the conversation other than the kids are doing good. A couple weeks ago I had a really bad nightmare about a fictional dream child of mine dying. It was awful and it made me so sad. That morning I called John and told him I had a terrible dream and could I say hi to the kids. He offered to have them Skype with me. I got to see them talk to them and it really made me feel better afterwards.

Do I like John now? Yes I do, I think I am blessed to have him for the father of my children. We have had to get through a lot of obstacles but we made it. My kids will have all the love of a mother and a father. I never understood why parents would try to turn their children against the other parent. I never tried to my self although I may have done so unintentionally. Soon after my kids were seeing their father full weekends every other week I saw the pain it brought them, the fear and sorrow of leaving me to go to him. I started telling them Daddy loves you, Daddy misses you. This past Friday when we met up they ran into his arms yelling DADDY! It made me so happy (a little Jealous, they don't do that when they see me :-) but I am old new)

I do not know what the future brings and I am sure that there will be more disagreements between John and I but I really believe we have come to a good place. I even think I love him again. I do not love him as a lover or potential mate but as the man who helped produce my family, the man who loves my children as much as me, as much as only a parent can. I am going to give my children the best gift available, a good relationship with their father.

I never know how to end what I am writing but I will end it with this. I wish every parent tried to be selfless and let their child love their other parent. If the other parent is no good the child will find out on their own and if the other parent is not than the child will get to grow up with two good parents and what is better than that?

Trip to the library

I love to take my kids to the library. When I was a child the library was one of my favorite places to be. All different kinds of books about all different things. Now adays the library still has that and I want my kids to feel it. There is also a little corner with some comfy chairs and kids puzzles and such. So I can relax with a book while the kids get to play in a different place than home.
At the library downtown there is free parking for up to an hour, then they start charging. Getting into the library is a chore with two three year olds. We park and the kids tumble out of the car. Since they have to inspect everything from the car to the door it take awhile to get inside. Finally we get to the door and when we first get inside, we enter the lobby which has high echoing ceilings, so the kids want to yell and run. Getting through the lobby is a test in patients, one I do not always pass. Finally we get to the stairs and thankfully it is only one floor up. Unfortunately there is a bathroom at the top and my kids have to use every bathroom the see. Finally we get to the last leg. Just have to walk to the back where the puzzles are. That means walking past a glass case with toys inside which has to be inspected, past computers that have to be played with, and yet another set of bathrooms. Finally fifteen to twenty minutes after parking we get to sit and relax. Normally this walk would take me about 3-5 minutes.
Since I plan 15 minutes to get out of parking that means only about 25-30 minutes of library time. Usually enough for some good puzzle time and to pick out some books to take home. Despite the effort it takes I still love taking them. On days that I don't have the energy for all that, there is a smaller library closer by. There is no puzzles but the kids still like grabbing a book and sitting at the kid table for a good read.
I hope bringing them to the library so young will really develop a love for the library. Somewhere they can go for entertainment or just to get away.

Waking up

When I wake up with a beautiful little girl voice telling me time to get up, I can not really be to unhappy to get up. I do not like getting up early, but Emily does. So she comes in my room, and climbs into my bed. She curls her little body into mine and we snuggle for about half an hour. This is her time to wake up and my time to get ready for the inevitable -time to get up mommy-. Its funny when it is the child telling the parent time to get up, but I truely love it. The time is short and before long it will be me telling her to get up and she will probably not appreciate it as much as I do. So I enjoy the cuddles and let her get me up for now.

Blandford Nature Center

We went to the Blandford nature center which is a really mice wooded area with different walking paths throughout. There is one path that is very small and easy to walk. There are different animals along the path, mostly birds. There was a bobcat that my kids had no interest in. After we walked that path I thought it would be nice to try a longer path through the "Jungle" as Julian kept calling it. There was a path that led to a fenced play center with nature fun.


 I thought I would take a few moments with each child and take some pictures, play and learn. I started with Julian while Emily went to dig in some sand. She loves sand. Give her some sand, a shovel and something to fill and she is good. So while Emily was digging Julian the

 physical little boy that he is, first tried walking across the logs. When they got a little taller I had to put the camera down and help him.

 Next at my encouragement Julian tried the balance beam. He fell off the first time but then insisted he get to try again. So he persisted...

./ 

 and off he went and walked a good length of it without even falling. I have to say I was impressed. I am not sure if that is impressive but seeing my son balance across a beam on his second time, on a beam that I even felt wobbly on... yea pretty good!

I decided it was time to join Emily. Still digging away in the sand I thought to encourage her to try another activity.

 She had no interest in another activity

Just wanted to play in the sand

 I saw Julian in this little hut and called Emily over to join us. She had no interest. I figured I would have plenty more walking to take pictures of her but next moment she started screaming. I ran over to her and she was in panic mode over some bug that had crawled on her. While I was comforting her Julian started screaming, in a panic about some bug who had bitten him. At this time they both insisted we leave and I did not have the heart to refuse them. When we got into the very hot car they both insisted that I keep

their windows up so no bugs would jump in and attack them. It was so hot in the car and still they wanted their windows closed.

 I think we will try the Blandford Nature Center again, just might have to apply some bug spray and keep out of the play area. Keep them walking and distracted.

They still seemed pretty happy when we got home and I guess that is the most important thing.