June is pride month

Apparently June is PRIDE month. I took my kids to their first pride fest. It was a lot of fun. I am very lucky to have such and open relationship with my kids. We have a pact -no secrets, no lies- a pact that my son sticks to like glue and my daughter tries to but it isn't always possible for her. But my sons unwavering loyalty will not allow him to  lie to me. More on that later.

So when they are giving away condom at a booth and my son asks What's a condom? I have to smile and tell him well so condoms are for safer sex. Nothing you need right now. You will use those later. And that leads to a further conversation when we get home on condoms. Which leads to me showing them how it works (on a very fat for a marker but very thin for a condom). Which leads to why condoms are necessary. (Prevent stds, prevent early pregnancies). Which leads to how sometimes people try to pressure other people not to use condoms. About ejaculation, eggs, sperm, coming, masterbation,  consent, horniness, and so much more. Just me and my two twelve year old chilling out together talking about sex. And not a drop of awkwardness, discomfort, or any other weirdness. 

I love the open lines of communication I have created with my children. I love that they can talk to me about anything, or they can not tell me stuff and their is nothing to weird or awkward for them. I am their safe space. I always have been and I always will be. 

A new life

Wow how time has gone by. Almost 13 years now that I have been the proud mother of the two sweetest kids I could ever hope for. I started this blog such a long time ago and it was with the intention of remembering and notating the life I was to share with my beautiful family. There are so many memories of I lost that I can not get back. Memories of fun experience, funny moments, and so much more. I wish I had taken more time to write about these things. But I have learned that it is sometimes better to let the past stay in the past. 

I am finally living my best life. I have been able to unburden myself of all the people who have caused me pain in the past. I live a life free of guilt for them. I have learned to be completely self sufficient. Never before in my life was that true. There was always some person there to catch me if I fell, if I failed. Now it is all up to me. And I have learned it is not always easy. But also that I can do it. 

I am living in a city that is becoming a home to me. I am making friends, I am working a job that I really enjoy and I am making a lot more money than I ever thought I would. I have learned that it is okay to have nice things and do fun things and how important it is to experience life every day. (Not that I do. Somedays it is just work and crash out).

I have learned that I am a very good parent. Without ever experiencing good parenting myself it has been such a joy to be able to know that I have done so much to make my children the great humans they are. It is so shocking to me every time people tell me how great my kids are. I unfortunately let some people convince me (for a small period of time) that I was not a good parent. That is a mistake I will never make again.

I have decided it is time to make memories again. Starting today I am living a full life with my kids and it is going to continue to be amazing. I say continue because it has been amazing since the first day. 

Time passing

I can not believe that my kids are six already. They are getting so big now. They are their own little people. Em is loving, cuddly, and can be so sweet. But give her the chance and she can push her brothers buttons. And J is always there when he is called on, always ready to help out. He is the man in this family, albeit a small one. But when it comes to the way things are supposed to be, it is black and white. There is no gray area as far as he can see it. I am so sad to see them growing up so fast but also happy for every day I get to spend with them. They are beautiful creations. I look at them and can not believe that they came from me. I look forward to the spring and getting to be with them and do things with them. And summer when we all get to be off and enjoy our time together in the warmth. But for not I will try to take advantage of everyday. As each day passes that is one less day we have to enjoy together. Sooner or later they will be off doing their own things and I will neither be wanted or needed.

Emily's First Haircut

I finally took Emily for her first hair cut. It only took 3 years and nine months. Julian had his first hair cut over a year now. I did not see the point since she had beautiful blond hair. I was talked into cutting Julian's. He had the most beautiful little curls that I had ever seen. They are sorely missed. But Emily has super fine and thin blond hair with her own little curls. Her has was difficult though. It got tangled easily and she would cry when I brushed it. Her father kept complaining and told me how hard it was for her to brush her hair. -So why don't you brush it- I asked him. Well apparently he is teaching her how to brush her own hair... Whatever. So I took her for a super special cut. 

Since it was her first cut, one of the final firsts of early childhood we made it special. We got rid of Julian, sent him off to aunt Mary's house. Then we headed to Snip its. Snip its is a wonderful little kids hair place. They have lots of bright colors, prizes and even cartoons. It is perfect. They have a little first hair cut package for suckers like me who's heart breaks over every little thing and so has to commemorate. I don't care. I have one son and one daughter and it is doubtful there will be more. So everything is special to me. 

So we headed out just Emily and I. When we got there she was all excited. She had been here before for hair cuts for Julian; he had several in the past year. She was so happy it was finally her turn. She headed straight in and luckily there was no line. So she got to get right in her little seat. Even though the seats are tiny it still almost swallowed her whole.

When I took Julian for his first cut the woman really was so jubilant, and excited, she switched on some cartoons for him, joked with him, gave me like 4 bags of hair. It was really just exciting. Maybe because of that experience this experience was a bit of a let down. The woman just focused on cutting Emily's hair, Emily had to ask for cartoons- (something I had told her about before hand to build the excitement) -after waiting patiently a few minutes for the woman to turn them on, the woman only gave me a tiny snip of Emily's hair (grrr I keep wishing I had just asked for more) and all in all it was not as pleasant as I would have hoped for paying $30 (including the $6 tip). 

After the cut Emily got a little certificate along with a picture printed out with her new cut. Finally she was supposed to put a lock of hair and a little plastic card they give all the kids into a slot and get a prize but the woman forgot the lock of hair part and left it up to me to explain to Emily about the prize. Luckily I had been there before and knew what to do. Emily got a little rub on tattoo that needs water and the woman did a nice thing and went and got some water so Emily could put the tattoo on right away. 


After we left we went to a chocolate store and Emily got to pick out a treat. She got a marshmallow dipped in chocolate. This woman giving Emily a dirty look when she took a free sample. Yes as I was paying Emily took one, only one sample of mint bark sitting on a platter right next to the register. Being a three year old, I was impressed at how she only took one but I am guessing our dollar purchase did not earn her even one little sample. I really wish I was the type to be able to say to people -hey I am a paying customer, treat me with kindness and dignity- but alas I am not. When I am out and I see people in customer service jobs not doing their best for their customers it makes me sad.

I am not sure how this turned into a rant about customer service personal. Having children has definitely weakened me. I am overly sensitive. My daughter will not remember these people, she will be able to see the certificate and the pictures and see how much fun she had. How awesome her Mommy was for taking her there (I hope). So I am happy. I love my children so much and for me there has never been anything like it. 

Learning good parenting from Strawberry Shortcake

The last couple of days I have been short with my kids, getting frustrated at them and yelling at them. Saying hurtful things in a hurtful voice. Just not being the understanding and patient mother I have worked so hard to become. Going overboard when they spill something or do something I tell them to not to do. In general I have been a real monster. It is embarrassing to admit and the guilt at knowing I have been so horrible to them is worse than anything.

I have worked hard to become a good mother, a strong woman to lead my children out of babyhood and into childhood. I have worked hard at being patient, loving, and involved. So to backslide into the crappy mother I was is very disheartening.

Every other Thursday my kids get to sleep in as late as they like, get whatever they want for breakfast, and watch hours of cartoons. It is a special treat since they then go to their fathers house Thursday night and stay there to Sunday night. It makes me feel good and them happy.

Today after the last few days of Monster Mommy I felt sick with guilt. After a good cry and thorough apologies to both of my kids which they were quick with -its okay mommy, I love you- from both of them (isn't three such a great, forgiving age) we settled on the couch for snuggles, and cartoons along with yummy snacks. As they watch TV I usually read or play on my computer. But today since I just wanted to snuggle close to them I didn't have anything to distract me. We started watching Strawberry Shortcake. In this episode Strawberry and her friends were making a cake. Strawberry's little sister Apple Dumpling wanted to help. She was just a little one like a toddler. So Strawberry gave her an easy job but in minutes she had created a huge mess spilling ingredients everywhere. I thought to myself, what a mess, I can not believe they let her help. That is why you should not let little ones help. I would be so angry and I would tell her to get the heck out of the kitchen (something I had unfortunately said to my own daughter, my beloved little girl only this morning for spilling, just an accident, an incident of being only 3 and wanting to help Mommy). But did Strawberry get angry? No, she was patient and kind to the little one. I then thought to myself wow you are being such a jerk. Look how sweet Strawberry is. I need to take a lesson from Strawberry,

Often times people who see me in the grocery store or out and about other places dealing with two rambunctious toddlers tell me -you might not know but this is the best time of your life-. The thing is, I do know it. I do get frustrated, and I do say some mean things to my children and there is no excuse for it. Luckily for them the meanness has been reduced to almost none and hopefully it will be none soon. But I know how wonderful this time is. I know this is the time that my kids will love me unconditionally, want to be be with me 24/7, and will hug and kiss me no matter what no matter where. I know that this is the only time that I can always get them to listen to me (one way or another). I know it will never get better. Knowing makes it scarier I think. I know if I screw up too badly during this time I will live the rest of my life regretting it. So I am taking a lesson from Strawberry Shortcake. I can not wait for the next time Emily wants to help me so she can spill something and I can say -it's cool Em, spills happen-

Construction truck petting zoo

Yesterday I took my kids to a free local event called The Construction Truck Petting Zoo. It was fantastic. It was held in front of the big library downtown with two small streets closed and all different kinds of construction trucks parked and open for explorers. The kids got to climb in and press all the buttons, honk the horns and generally explore these massive and some smaller vehicles. I had been looking forward to this event for a couple weeks. I knew my kids would like it, it was outdoors and best of all it was free! Since I have started writing about our fun together I had planned on taking some pictures and doing a little entry. So I am snapping picture, pictures of us getting there, pictures of the kids in the trucks lots of pictures. I never really look at the pictures I take when I am taking them, I just snap away and there is usually a few good ones. Finally we were getting to the second to last truck, a massive one with a long line. I am not familiar with vehicles so I have no idea what mos

This is the tire to the massive truck-->

over here

t of these were. I am taking pictures when I notice some pop up on my screen. No memory card. I had not put the memory card back from the last time I transferred to my computer. No picture! I had been looking forward to the awesome pictures for weeks.

For the first time I did not let something like this ruin the experience. It was hard and took a few minutes, but as I looked at the kids and saw how much fun they were having it was not so bad. Also I had my phone so I just took pictures with that. They were not quite as good but hey. So the kids got a chance to go and see most of the trucks again so mommy could have pictures. They had no problem going in all the trucks again.

There was also Popsicle, lemonade, and popcorn. Kids were loving beeping the horns of all the trucks and parents trying to keep their kids from driving everyone crazy with the sound of horns beeping. -Okay honey ten beeps is enough lets give someone else a turn-.

 As with most things with Emily and Julian they only wanted to  stay together. When I told Julian to go stand in front of a giant wheel taller than him he wouldn't unless Emily went with, but then Julian does seem more likely to need Emily's company.
 A radio station was there and gave the kids a free chap stick a special treat because Mommy keeps hers away from them. They each got their very own. When we went to one of the trucks the owner was there (the owners all kept close to the trucks for instructions or questions) and when Julian was climbing in -I can do it myself- he turns to the truck owner and hands him his chap stick and says -you hold this, not mommy- the owner laughed and said -I will hold it for you-

With two three year old with tons of energy they were all over the place. Since the roads were closed I was happy to give them some leeway. There were lines for most of the trucks and in one Emily ran over and climbed in one while I was distracted with Julian. I went to grab her out but this woman was standing there blocking the door telling Emily its not her turn. Finally  I got her attention to tell her that Emily was mine and I would be happy to her her down if I could get pass the lady. The lady says -you know, there is a line- duh I think to myself but I just smiled and said -yea, you know three year olds, so impatient. Nothing could annoy me or frustrate me, and that is not common. I am easily frustrated.

All in all it was a great day. My life with my kids just gets better and better. I am just enjoying every day with them. You never know when it will end, whether from sickness, accidents, or time just passing when kids do not want to be Mommy's little babies anymore.

Fish Ladder Park

I had such an adventurous and exciting day planned for Emily and Julian. We were going to go to Fish Ladder Park and check out the fish, then start walking the path towards other sights. It was a nice if not hot day out. Of course nothing ever turns out as planned. One regrettable incident can ruin a whole day.

Already lost his shoe

When we got there I picked Julian up first to look into the water. I kind of swung him up and his shoe went flying. Right into the water. His absolute favorite shoe that he like wearing more than any other. Flying into the water never to be seen again. His Diego Shoes that his father has already been searching for, for weeks in a larger size because Julian loves them so much.

I could not feel worse if I smacked him or yelled at him for something he did not do. The whole day felt ruined  to me. I searched in vain for the shoe. As if I might see it in this rapids like water and be able to somehow fish it out. With the recent rains the fish ladder park was a heavy flowing rapids leading to the second disappointment  I had no fish to show off to the kids and see their excited amazement.

I would not let this trip be a bust. With only one shoe obviously we could not do much walking. They were real troopers though. Despite Julian reminding me every ten seconds- you pick me up and my shoe fall in the water, Diego in the water- he was okay about it. We stayed by the water and hung out a little, then we headed out. I got them a slushie at Miejer and now I have to scour the internet for little brown Diego shoes so my son doesn't have to feel bad that his mom threw his favorite shoe in the river.